Screen Time Showdown: A Father’s Guide to Winning the Digital Battle

Electronic devices. They are my nightmare. And I am my kids nightmare when it comes to them. Our kids are glued to screens more than ever, and it’s not doing them any favors. 

Studies show that excessive screen time can lead to delayed development in young children, particularly in communication and problem-solving skills. 

For older kids, too much screen time is linked to emotional, social, and attention problems. 

We don’t really need studies to tell us these things do we?

To be fair – it’s not all doom and gloom though. Screens can improve education and learning. They provide our kids with all the knowledge available in the world at the tip of their fingers. I guess the issue is sorting the wheat from the chaff.

The other issue is how we are able to control what information our kids have access to, as well as contending with the marketing and algorithms of internet giants that control what they see.

These devices also open up a different world of social communication for our kids – with both benefits and drawbacks. Online bullying? It’s a whole topic all of its own and one that I hope to delve into in another article.

We have to realise today’s world is not the world we grew up in. Going to the local library and searching for titles and topics for your school assignment is no longer something that we can enforce upon our kids.

This is one area I have come to realise that I am guilty of – trying to force my kids to live life the way I did. I put in a home phone so that the kids can ring their friends and talk when they want – but their friends do not even have house phones. Fail one for me – but I still use it.

Theodore Roosevelt once said,

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are”. 

Well, what we have are kids addicted to screens, and where we are is a world that’s increasingly digital. So what can we do? Plenty. It takes a little backbone, few tough choices, and a willingness to stand by your commitment amidst the oncoming storm of your kids desire to have the same things their friends have – unlimited access to everything.

My kids were not allowed tablets and phones throughout their early stages – I remain happy with this decision. When we attended extended family dinners, at relatives homes, or at restaurants, the kids cousins would all be sitting on their phones or tablets rather than engaging with each other and I hated it.

Often I would sit at the table with my kids and we would bring papers and pencils for them to draw with, or I would take them on a walk around the block when they were getting restless, or play games with them. More effort for me from a keeping them entertained standpoint but not one that I regret at all.

My eldest did not get a phone until she started highschool – and even then it was only because she had to catch a train to a school some distance away. There were no social media apps allowed on her phone until a year or two later, and even then it was only a messaging app that her friends used. Nearly 3 years later she still has no instagram, no facebook, no tik tok, and in all honesty has not shown any interest in them or asked to have them installed.

Our kids primary school required them to have a tablet, and so we had to get them one from year 3, however the tablets remained for school work only. It was only around age 11 that my son was able to start putting on some online games that his friends play and have screen time to do that with them. Again there are no social media applications on these school devices.

Yes there have been plenty of times the kids have rallied against me over some of these choices, but I don’t feel they have missed out on anything with these decisions. They had access to the internet, we had a family computer set up in the living room so that we can see what they are looking up. Devices were not allowed in the bedrooms. We as parents made the commitment to our kids to be aware of when they were on devices, and what they were looking at on them.

Not only that, we spoke to them (and continue to) about the dangers to aware of on the net. They know not to put ANY personal information out there. They do not post photos in their school uniforms, or in areas that identify where they live. Is this foolproof? No. But they have been armed with the knowledge as best they can to protect themselves and sometimes this is all that you can do.

Make no mistake – we as parents have the capacity to shape the way in which our kids use this technology and devices – if we are resilient enough.

Understand this – being in control of your kids screen time is not a punishment to them – it is a commitment from you as a parent to them for their wellbeing and safety.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Easier said than done.” Trust me, I’ve been there. 

Parenting isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

Here are some practical steps we can take:

• Set clear screen time or device  limits: I’m not here to tell you what is right for you or your family – that’s something for you to work out.

• Be a role model: Put down your own devices during family time. Kids learn by example, and if they see us constantly glued to our phones, they’ll follow suit.

• Create screen-free zones: Keep screens out of bedrooms, especially for preteens and teenagers. It affects their sleep, which is crucial for development.

• Encourage alternative activities: Get your kids involved in sports, reading, or creative play. Let’s challenge our kids to lead engaging, active lives.

• Co-view and discuss: When your kids do watch screens, watch with them. Discuss what you’re seeing. This can turn passive viewing into an opportunity for learning and bonding.

• Use screens as a tool, not a babysitter: It’s tempting to use screens to keep kids quiet, but this can lead to overuse. Instead, engage with your children directly.

Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate screens entirely – that’s unrealistic in today’s world. The aim is to find a healthy balance. As Roosevelt put it,

“The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything”.

We’re bound to slip up sometimes, but what matters is that we keep trying.

It’s also crucial to understand that our role as fathers goes beyond just limiting screen time. Our engagement with our children, our presence in their lives, is irreplaceable.

That kind of physical presence, that tangible support, is what our children need from us – not just rules about screen time, but our time and attention.

Here’s a challenge for you: For the next week, try replacing one hour of your family’s screen time with an interactive activity. It could be as simple as a board game, a walk in the park, or cooking a meal together. You might be surprised at the conversations and connections that emerge.

Remember, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”. Your kids need to know you care about them more than any screen ever could.

As we navigate this digital age, let’s not forget our job as fathers is not just to limit screen time, but to instill values, to teach our children how to think critically about the media they consume, and to show them that real life happens off-screen.

Managing our children’s screen time is a challenge, but it’s one we must face head-on. “When you’re at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on”. There will be days when it feels like an uphill battle, but remember why we’re doing this. We’re shaping the next generation, preparing them for a world that needs engaged, thoughtful, and resilient individuals.

Let’s commit to this journey. Let’s be the examples our children need. Let’s show them that life’s greatest adventures happen in the real world, not on a screen. Are you ready to take on this challenge? To be the father your children need in this digital age? The screen is in your hands now – what will you do with it?